How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
