I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
