At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize