he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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