I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
