Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
