so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
