Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
