Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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