You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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