Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
