A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
