Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
