yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
