she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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