Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
