smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
