that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
