Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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