Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
