I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
