thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
