I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
