my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize