Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
