Yo dont text me then not text me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
