So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
