im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ketchup is God's man juice
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
