I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
