when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
