Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
