Do you still have your period?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
