I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
