So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
