my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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