so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
