Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
