A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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