Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize