are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
