Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize