you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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