dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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