so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
