That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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