I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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