bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize