Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
