In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A+ Viking dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
