ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
