I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
