i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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