pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
