dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
