At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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