I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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