I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize