Do vagina's smell?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize