I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
