I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
