I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
