I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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