We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
