im about as happy as oj after his trial
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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