Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
