my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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