I'm really into asian looking animals
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
