I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
