Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
