Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
