And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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