All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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