if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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