i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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