is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
