If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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