I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
