Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
