oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
