Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
