U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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