Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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