I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
