help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
