Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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